The Mortality of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Haleva3
Summary: Kyon is confronted with his own feelings as Haruhi's life is threatened by a mind altering parasite. Meanwhile,a new girl has appeared who's interest in Kyon may not be as innocent as it seems. What will the brigade do? And how does Haruhi feel?
1. Click

Summary: If Kyon thought giant shinjin attacking the school was as bad as it could get, he was sorely mistaken. For when some idle inter-net surfing unleashes an intergalactic parasite capable of Armageddon, there's no telling how "hairy" the situation can get. Itsuki Koizumi called her a God, but when faced with life, love, death, and above all, weakness…just how Mortal is Haruhi Suzumiya?

The Mortality of Haruhi Suzumiya 

Chapter 1: Click

It's been a year since I met her and I still get a headache every time I look at her. Maybe that says something about me, maybe that says something about her, but it certainly says something about our relationship, which up to now had been fairly stable. I keep her from destroying the city, and she gives me a headache. That's the way it works, and so far I'm content with it. I've gotten to know her pretty well, which basically means I know how to keep her from trying to hurt me on a daily basis (I should probably write a novel called "How to survive life with Haruhi Suzumiya". I'd make a killing.)

I suppose, in a way that makes what happened my fault. I know what happens when Haruhi gets bored, so I should have at least tried to prevent it. Sometimes I end up feeling pretty guilty about it. Then again, what could I have done? I mean, she wasn't bored in the sense that any moment she would go storming around entering random contests or forcing miss Asahina into a variety of animal costumes. All she did was turn on the computer. Unfortunately, that was enough.

I suppose you could call it a normal day (I use the term very loosely given the persons involved). After class I headed straight for the clubroom (Haruhi would kill me if I didn't) and found the usual scene of miss Asahina at the table, Nagato at the window, and Haruhi at the computer, her face aglow with an expression of intense excitement…

_Wait…what?_

Okay, this was definitely a bad sign. Haruhi is almost never interested or exited about anything, and when she is, it's nearly always something anyone with an ounce of sanity would want to stay as far from as possible. Closing the door as gently as I could, I tiptoed over to the corner in an attempt to be as inconspicuous as possible.

Alas all my efforts were in vain. Two feet away from my destination, I was revisited by the all too familiar sensation of being dragged backwards by a hurricane with legs.

" You're finally here! Come quick I just found the coolest thing!"

_Oh God no!_

Before I knew it, she had shoved me down in front of the computer and was waving enthusiastically at the screen.

" See! Isn't it the greatest! This will revolutionize the future of the SOS brigade!"

It was a website. Upon closer inspection, a website entitled, "Down dark Alleyways: A Collection of the worlds most thrilling…"

"Urban legends?"

"Not just urban legends you idiot! They're bone-chilling tales of supernatural phenomena! Real eyewitness accounts of cool weird happenings!"

"So?"

"So! Think about what we have here! This is a treasure trove of potential mysteries just waiting to be solved! The club will never be idle again!…"

_No way! Don't tell me she actually…_

"… We can solve a mystery every week! We won't have to wander around waiting to find aliens; we can go straight to them just by following these clues! We'll be an unstoppable force of justice hunting down aliens, exorcising ghosts and saving the world from ultimate destruction!" She struck a pose that was probably meant to look cool and dramatic, but ended up giving the impression of a monkey wrench with a bad back.

_Yes she does! She actually believes in this crap!_

With a sigh I rose from my seat and regarded her skeptically.

"Suzumiya, you can't seriously expect these ghost stories to have any credibility. I mean they're called urban _legends_ for a reason. They're not real, they're just stupid fables made up to scare people into following a certain behavior pattern."

I could almost see the sparks in her eyes as she glared at me.

"How dare you talk back to your sacred leader you lower life form!"

Scowling she roughly shoved me aside and sat down so hard I thought she would definitely break the chair.

"And they're not stupid ghost stories," she said, furiously scrolling down the page, " they are detailed predictions of upcoming supernatural and potentially disastrous events and shouldn't be taken lightly. Just look at this one!" with a flourish she selected one of the many bright blue links on the screen and clicked.

Nagato looked up from her book and began gazing at us very intently.

" 'Armagedon369'!" Haruhi exclaimed with a dreamy expression. "It tells of a deadly intergalactic virus that uses the computer network as a medium to spread itself across the entire world and wipe out the human race as we know it!"

When she paused to inhale I took a moment to glance at the web page in front of her.

The top of the page was sporting a very low quality image of what looked like the northern lights photoshopped over a computer monitor. Below it was some text that began: "_Every happening in this world begins with a non physical, seemingly insignificant force. An action begins with a thought and a life begins with energy. But what if that insignificant force could also generate destruction? If the simple combination of intelligence, emotion, and opportunity could-"_

" Don't zone out while I'm talking to you!"

I sighed, " Look Suzumiya, have you ever considered that the more trouble you go looking for, the more trouble you're going to get?"

"So?" She scowled, "That's exactly the point! I _need_ a little trouble! We've done absolutely nothing of any significance in the longest time! I'm dying of boredom here!"

" Unfortunately, I am not." I stated matter of factly. "If you want to make a nuisance of yourself then I'm not going to try and stop you, but you can count me out of this little venture."

_Go me! That's the way to do it! I refuse to be pushed around anymore!_

She didn't seem to have an argument for that. Odd, but certainly welcome for a change. She glared at me for a moment, then stood up and stomped toward the door.

"I'll be doing a serious review of your behavior tomorrow." She said on her way out, "You'd better watch it or I just might see fit to remove you from further club involvement." Then she slammed the door and was gone.

_Yeah right, kick me out and the club will have to disband anyway. It needs five people remember? No of course you don't, you don't make serious note of anything that isn't to your advantage do you?_

Moving right along, it seems that Haruhi leaving the room was Itsuki's cue to pack up and leave for his "part time job" (_What is this job of his anyway? He always seems to leave at a different time._) After which miss Asahina announced that she was going to change, which was my cue to get the hell out.

Hurriedly, I picked up my bag and started out. After opening the door I turned my head to see if Nagato was leaving to.

Nagato had risen from her seat but had otherwise not moved an inch. She was now staring persistently at the lifeless computer.

" Hey Nagato, You coming?" I inquired.

Her head snapped up and she stared at me for a moment. Then after one final glance at the computer she nodded once and slowly made her way out the door.

_I wonder what's up with her now._

Shrugging off the thousands of possible issues that could be plauging the inexplainable depths of Nagato's mind, I waved goodbye to miss Asahina and followed her out. Closing the door softly behind me.

End of chapter 1

* * *

A Few notes:

Kyons point of view for now. might switch later

Italics are his thoughts which are slightly different from narration.

I apologize for mistakes in layout and grammar. I welcome corrections.

This is the first fanfictionI have written but not the first to be concieved in my mind.

I would apreciate reviews but please keep all non constructive negative comments to yourself.

that's all


	2. The 72 hour bug

Sorry for the wait! Procrastination is my greatest vice and writers block doesnt help.

plus it's really hard to write scenes between Mikuru and Kyon (has anyone else noticed that or is it me?)

This was going to be longer, but when I reached a stopping place last night I felt I should end it there.

As a result this chapter may come off as rather uneventful.

* * *

The 72 hour bug

Haruhi didn't come to class the next day.

Now, I'm sure for any normal person a simple daily absence would be no real cause for alarm, however in this case I couldn't help feeling a bit suspicious. I mean, Haruhi Suzumiya seemed like just the right level of idiot to never catch a cold. But I guess it just goes to show you that even she has to be a human being once in a while.

I went to the clubroom anyway, in case she had just decided to play hooky during class, but she wasn't there. Itsuki and Mikuru were already there playing Othello, so I took my cup of tea and sat down to a game of solitaire. Nagato was the only one besides Haruhi who didn't show. Very odd indeed.

_I wonder if she's really in some sort of trouble? After all, it's not likely that __she__ of all people would get sick. _

After brutally whooping myself at solitaire for about fifteen minutes, I decided to pack it in and go home. There I settled down for my last few hours of rest before being thrust back into life with Haruhi. After all, there was no way she would let herself be sick for more than one day. I mean, she's Haruhi. Her pride and determination know no bounds, right?

But apparently, pride and determination weren't enough this time. She was absent again the next day. What could she have that would keep her home for two days? I went to the clubroom after class, just in case there was some news.

Of course there wasn't any, so it was an extremely uneventful day without Haruhi. Nagato offered no explanation for yesterday's absence, so I didn't ask. When it was clear our "great leader" was never going to show, Koizumi, Mikuru and I decided to play a board game while Nagato read her book. After I lost (_Koizumi was cheating, I swear!_) we all packed up and just left. It was a perfectly normal, boring day. I hadn't had one of those in a while so I guess it should've be a good thing, but it was surprisingly less satisfying than I expected. All through the night I stared at the ceiling, wondering what was wrong with me. I barely got any sleep at all.

When I got to school the next day and saw that Haruhi's desk was once again empty, I was struck by a very unsettling realization.

I missed her.

I had grown accustomed to the chilling pierce of her gaze at my back and I felt almost out of place without it, like if she wasn't there I wasn't supposed to be either. That shook me, and I began to wonder when Haruhi had grown so familiar in my mind while my classmates and friends had grown so alien. Had it really gotten to the point at which my life was _boring_ without her? _You've got to be kidding me!_

But the more I thought about it, the more sense it made as an explanation to the feelings of uneasiness I had been experiencing. It was true. For me, life with Haruhi was… Normal.

_Heh. I wonder what She would do if I told her that? Would she be insulted at being described as "Ordinary" in any way shape or form? Or would she feel a sense of self satisfaction, knowing she had invaded my life so intensely?_

I couldn't decide whether this new psychological development made me feel better or worse about the situation, so I went to see what wisdom I could gain from the all-powerful clubroom and it's sci-fi-esque inhabitants.

As soon as I opened the door, Miss Asahina came rushing at me with a force that almost knocked me down into the hallway. As if that wasn't enough of a surprise, the next thing I knew she had thrown her arms around my waist and started sobbing into my chest.

"M-miss Asahina what's wrong?"

" Oh Kyon! Its just awful!" she gasped, "Miss Suzumiya is absent again today and…and Itsuki says it's probably something really serious!"

_Aha! So he's responsible for this! _I shot an accusatory glare in the perpetrator's direction.

Itsuki had stood up and was sporting a very confused slightly sheepish expression.

"All I said was it was unusual for miss Suzumiya to miss school for so long and it might be a little more than a simple cold! I never thought miss Asahina would get so upset!"

Well I can definitely understand that. Ah, miss Asahina. How you can find it in your heart to be so concerned for the welfare of someone who torments you on a daily basis is beyond me.

"…she'll get sicker…and sicker and then…*sniff*… she'll die! I just know it! And all because I couldn't *sniff* fulfill my duty to watch over her!…it's…it's all my fault!", she whimpered, before relapsing into sobs.

Though I enjoyed the sensation of being hugged my Miss Asahina, by this point she had taken to blowing her nose in my tie (not a very pleasant experience I have to say) plus it seemed likely that she would start hyperventilating soon if I didn't do something. I glanced around me for help. Itsuki was standing uselessly at the table, scratching his head with an awkward expression. Nagato was staring blankly into her book as if she didn't even notice we were there. I sighed resignedly.

Guess I'm on my own.

"Miss Asahina," I said in the softest voice I could, "you have to calm down! I'm sure there's nothing to worry about."

She raised her head. "Really?" she said hopefully.

I nodded, "Really. She's probably just come down with one of those 24 hour bugs that have been going around. She'll be better soon!"

I would probably have been able to console her completely if the king of tact hadn't decided to chime in.

"Well, that would be a convenient explanation," Itsuki speculated, " but it's already been three days since she was last in school. It would have to be a 72 hour bug, which I'm fairly sure doesn't exist."

Thanks a lot Dr. Doom.

Sure enough, Mikuru relapsed into despairing sobs.

I turned on Itsuki with the fiercest glare I could manage. I must have got through to him because he immediately resumed his expression of sheepish anxiety.

"Oh dear." He murmured, "I'm sorry Miss Asahina, I didn't mean to make you worry, I'm sure Miss Suzumiya is just fine." For some reason, this only made her sob harder. I sighed. I wonder if I'll make it home tonight?

It took fifteen minutes of coaxing and persuading to convince Mikuru, who by this time had detached herself from my shirt and was huddling in a corner, that Haruhi was not going to die. After which we spent several more minutes making halfhearted jokes in an attempt to staunch her stubborn flood of tears. When we finally succeeded in drawing Miss Asahina out of her quagmire of misery, she rose shakily to her feet and resumed pouring the water for tea. Things would have been just peachy if the scenario ended there. But where would be the fun in that?

For, of course, fate had other plans for the poor unsuspecting little me. It seemed that miss Asahina's brief fit of depression had left her somewhat physically unstable, and though she was able to pour the tea without incident she just wasn't alert enough to dodge the leg of Itsuki's chair, which was inconveniently placed right smack in the middle of the road. With a characteristic wail of surprise Mikuru tripped rather violently over the chair and landed gracefully in Itsuki's lap. I would have been slightly irritated by this had my attention not been drawn to the plate of tea cups which were now flying beyond the sight of Mikuru's landing, across the room, and down…

Splash.

The shocked silence that followed was broken only by the slow trickle of hot tea as it flowed down Nagato's hair and dripped from the pages of her book to the floor.

Then all hell broke loose.

Miss Asahina began another bout of hysterics which Itsuki just barely managed to stifle by suggesting that they clean up the broken cups. Meanwhile I clambered over to assess Nagato's condition. I wasn't really that worried, ( I mean, Nagato can take care of herself right?) but it seemed proper to check in this situation.

"Hey, you okay?" I inquired.

Nagato said nothing but nodded. Then she dropped her book unceremoniously on the floor in front of her, rose shakily to her feet, and took a few halting steps forward. I assumed this meant she really was alright and was about to head back to my seat, when suddenly, she collapsed to her knees on the floor.

"Nagato!" I yelled as I rushed to break her fall.

"Are you alright?" I asked once I was sure she was still conscious.

She didn't reply. It was as if she didn't hear me. When I looked more closely I saw that she was muttering something under her breath. I leaned in to see if I could hear her any better.

"…asteroid 4h789f removed from investigative record due to catalytic supernova…..discovery of atomic explosive reagent on earth causes massive destructive data force….. the entity is intrigued by this phenomenon…..…the appearance of black holes in the 48th stellar system… threaten existence of intelligent life….in 1914 ….Akemi Voralberg dies of unidentified infectious fever…subject 001369 becomes disapparent after exhibiting signs of radical behavioral malfunction….. removal of subject from further investigation is finalized…"

Her eyes were fixed straight ahead and her body was completely limp. She didn't seem to realize that I was there, but remained lost in her mechanical ranting.

I sat there, confused and clueless for what seemed like forever before Nagato finally came back to earth (In a manner of speaking.). Her head snapped up and she pushed my arm aside so she could stand.

"Nagato are you sure you're alright?" I asked, now with truly genuine concern.

By this time Itsuki and Mikuru had finished cleaning and were observing us with awed expressions.

Nagato walked slowly and stiffly back to her seat. Once there she turned around abruptly and, still acting as though there was no one else in the room, spoke.

"Minor exterior physical damages to this interface have caused a slight malfunction resulting in mild instances of data disorientation. This interface will be repaired shortly. We apologize for the inconvenience."

With that, she sat down quietly and closed her eyes.

* * *

That night I was more exhausted than I had been in years. I managed to remain civil throughout the mandatory dinner/"How was your day?" session that my parents insist on, but from the moment I got home all I could think about was ending the day as soon as possible.

Yeah yeah, I know what your thinking. "What about Nagato?" "What happened afterwards?" But really there's nothing more to tell. After a few moments of silence she woke up again, seemingly with very little memory of her radical behavior. She apologized for the worry and trouble and refused to provide any further explanation of the events, so we all passed an unspoken agreement to act as though nothing had happened. It wasn't hard, I've been developing a sort of knack for ignoring unusual things.

But now that my mind was growing increasingly unoccupied in preparation for sleep, the wall of steadfast ignorance was caving in and I found myself speculating about the things Nagato had said. Nagato, as I believe I have made clear, was normally not one to speak unless it was absolutely necessary, and very important. So it was pretty much law that when she started talking it was time to start listening. After all, if she happened to be saying something that might save you from being dismembered by aliens someday, you'd want to remember it right? Right.

Which was why her behavior this afternoon made so little sense. On the one hand, you had all that mumbo jumbo about galaxies and life forms and behavioral malfunctions. Then, on the other hand you had that little "damage report" at the end, which sounded almost like one of those public service messages apologizing for construction sites in the middle of a road or something…

Come to think of it, there's no " almost" about it, that's exactly what it sounded like!

And thinking about it that way does make a little more sense. After all, I guess Nagato is an android of some kind, so I suppose her getting injured like that could be compared to a computer breaking down.

I then found myself wondering whether the message was from Nagato herself ,or (it couldn't be could it?) from "the Entity". They were the ones who created her after all, and some of the little things she had said in the past did seem to imply that they had the ability to control her to a certain extent. Was it possible that the Data Integration Thought Entity had somehow spoken through Nagato to apologize for the "inconveniences" caused by her accident?

When I thought of it like that, the idea seemed so silly I didn't feel like wasting any more time worrying about it. I promptly ordered my subconscious mind to shut up and steeled myself for another day of living on auto pilot. I feel slightly ashamed to admit that I had sort of begun to think that Haruhi was never going to show her face of school grounds again. I wonder if Haruhi would be appalled by my lack of faith in her… Nah.

Needless to say, I was not terribly disheartened when I walked into the classroom the next day to find Haruhi's desk empty again. With a small sigh of resignation, I sat down and began routinely staring into space. I barely noticed when the door to the classroom slid unsteadily open, it made hardly a whisper of sound, so I think it must have been the shocked silence of the room that provoked me to turn my attention to the door.

Haruhi Suzumiya was standing in the doorway.

I surprised my self by being immensely glad to see her, and would have called out some sort of greeting, but something about her demeanor made me uneasy. She stood there, unmoving for several seconds before shuffling slowly across the room. Her shoulders were slouched and her arms hung limp at her sides. She exuded such an aura of gloom that I couldn't watch as she trudged toward her desk. I turned to face front, and listened to her feet dragging across the floor, the metallic screech of the chair being pulled out, a slight rustling, and then a mysterious, hollow "thunk" sound.

"Thunk"?

When I finally got the courage to turn around, I discovered that the "thunk" had been Haruhi's head hitting her desktop with incredible force.

"Jeezus! Are you okay?" I whispered urgently.

Haruhi groaned and-her reply slightly muffled by a mouthful of desk- muttered,

"No. dizzy. Feel like death."

And she looked it. Her face was a pale shade of green and her eyes were dark and sunken like a corpse.

"Oh my gosh. What kind of illness did you have? You look terrible!"

She paused for a moment and took deep breath, which resulted in a ragged cough.

"Don't know." she whined. "…can't think clearly. talking hurts. gotta stop…"

Of course I immediately felt guilty for making her talk at all.(sick people often have that effect don't they?)

"Of course." I muttered hastily." Sorry. I'll leave you alone now. But if you really plan on sleeping through class you'd better be ready to face the wrath of the teaching institution."

Haruhi tried to laugh at my pathetic attempt at humor, but she gave up quickly and settled down to relax instead.

As I turned around I could already sense the contrast between now and the time she was gone. I can't explain how, but I could really feel Haruhi's presence behind me, and I was astonished at how comforting that presence was. However sickly and decrepit, she was there and that was enough.

"Hey Haruhi?" I whispered after a moment

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you're back."

I wasn't expecting a reply, but after a moment of silence I heard her say, in a voice so tiny if I hadn't been paying full attention I would not have heard;

"…thanks."

* * *

read and review. Critique but no insults please.

thank you.


	3. Quiet words of gratitude

woohoo! I just got back from a weeklong camping trip so I can finally post this chapter (which I finished a week ago but didn't have time to post before we left)

Even more awkwardness, sorry

Enjoy!

* * *

Quiet words of gratitude

Haruhi was pretty quiet for the rest of the day. Very unusual for her, but still, at least she was back. She kept her head down for most of class and she was only called once, after which it became apparent that she was unable to remain coherent and the teacher soon gave up trying. During lunch break she asked to go to the infirmary, presumably to rest, and by the time class ended, she had still not emerged. This left me in the awkward position of having to decide whether or not to go to the clubroom.

On the one hand, it really wouldn't make sense for me to decide to stop going now that she was back, when I had gone ahead and shown up all those days she wasn't there. On the other hand, there was a good chance that, as sick and fatigued as she was, Haruhi would just want to go home, if she ever woke up that is.

The conclusion I arrived at was that I would swing by to check up on Nagato and miss Asahina, who had both experienced "incidents" yesterday. This excuse was of course, total bullshit but hey, it was an alternative to being wishy washy.

She wasn't there when I arrived. This elimination of possible punishment for failing to show up would have been enough to convince me to go home, except that as soon as I stuck my head in the door Miss Asahina rushed at me with uncharacteristic forwardness. What can I say? She looked so happy to see me I couldn't just leave without really making sure she was alright.

I sat drinking tea and chatting with miss Asahina for about five minutes before the door opened again. In trudged Haruhi who, though not nearly as depressing as she had been this morning, was still quite a tragic sight to behold. Completely ignoring the fact that Mikuru and I were sitting so close together-which would normally have sent her into an unexplained fit of temper-she dragged her feet over to the computer and began lazily sliding the mouse in small circles on the desk top.

I was deciding whether it would be best to speak up or leave her alone, when miss Asahina suddenly stood up. With a look of burning determination in her soft golden eyes, she walked briskly over to where Haruhi was sitting, took a deep breath and blurted, in what was probably her most assertive voice,

"Excuse me, miss Suzumiya!"

Startled, Haruhi looked up from the screen and gazed blankly at Mikuru.

Haruhi's stare, whether ill meant or not, seemed to have a draining effect on miss Asahina's former resolve. After taking a moment to collect herself, she began again in a much shakier and more uncertain tone, "Um, I…it's nice to see y-you back at school and feeling better! um…I mean…that is…I'm glad you're…not dead, er, sick…and um…" Sadly, her attempt at assertiveness soon trailed away into timid ramblings.

Haruhi exhaled slightly (_was that a sigh or a laugh?)_ And the corners of her mouth twitched up in what could be called a strained smile.

"Well, I don't know about feeling _better_," she said quietly (her throat was probably still sore) "but it _is_ good to be back…in a way." Her eyes wandered the room and rested on me for an eerie moment before she returned her attention to Mikuru.

The later, who had obviously been filled with new concern upon hearing Haruhi's first comment said,

"Oh, dear! Um, is there anything I can do?" Without waiting for an answer she glanced feverishly about the room for inspiration. "I could…um…I could…make you some tea!" she announced triumphantly. "Yes, that might help if your throat is feeling tired! I've heard hot tea with honey is good for that!"

For a moment Haruhi looked taken aback by Mikuru's offer. Then she lowered her head, so I couldn't see her expression as she replied in a voice barley discernable from a whisper,

"Yeah…that would be nice. Thanks Mikuru."

_There it was again!_

Completely taken aback, Mikuru stood there with her mouth open and her eyes wide for almost thirty seconds before she remembered there was something she had to do and bustled nervously off to prepare the tea.

I couldn't blame her. When Haruhi said "thanks" to me in class earlier today I stopped breathing for a minute and a half (_Personal best!)._ I know it sounds like I was over reacting, but trust me I wasn't. Before that morning, I had never heard Haruhi say "Thank you" To anyone she wasn't trying to coax information from. In her mind, everything she received was something she was definitely entitled to, so there was no need to express any gratitude or appreciation to those who worked and slaved and put all their desires on hold to satisfy her every stupid little whim just in case she got mad and decided to destroy the world. You get the picture.

I always thought it would be satisfying when the almighty Haruhi finally broke down and said "please" or "thank you" for something, but surprisingly enough the only feelings her sudden expressions of gratitude gave me were ones of incredible unease. Chills went up my spine upon considering how _nice_ she was being!

_Haruhi! Being _nice_, _appreciative_, and _considerate_ to miss Asahina!_

Such a thing had previously been completely unheard of, yet it was happening right before my eyes!

"What are you staring at?" she snapped.

Ah good. Back to normal.

"Your rotten corpse face. So now that you can talk, how about telling me what happened to you."

She scowled at my frank appraisal of her appearance

"I don't really know myself.", she began. " It all started a few days ago when I showed you that cool website and you were such a total killjoy about it." she glared at me for a moment before continuing.

Apparently, Haruhi's fatigue began almost immediately after she left the club room that day. According to her, she didn't remember much about the journey home except that she was very dizzy and she barely made it in the door before collapsing.

She didn't wake up until a full 24 hours later. That meant the reason she was absent that first day was because she was asleep! I couldn't believe it!

_Who lets their kid miss school because they want to sleep in? Not my parents I can tell you._

"Well my mom said I really wouldn't wake up no matter how hard she tried, plus my forehead felt warm so she figured I must've been really sick."

"And were you?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I was! When I woke up I had a fever of nearly 103 degrees! And I totally puked my guts out. Twice!"

Way, way too much information Suzumiya.

"Whatever.", she continued, "Anyway, on the third day I really didn't want to stay home, but I still had a fever of 101 and my mom wouldn't let me leave the house."

"Who would want to go to school with a fever of 101 degrees?"

"Well I didn't really want to go to school, but I couldn't bear the thought of leaving the SOS brigade unsupervised for three whole days! Who knows what evildoing you might get up to in my absence!"

"Gee, thanks a lot."

"You were probably slacking off the whole time weren't you! Even though I gave you that website full of mysteries you could have solved!" she mumbled sourly.

"Hang on, how can you be sure we didn't solve any of those mysteries?" of course she was totally right about my slacking off, but I feigned an indignant denial and hoped she wouldn't notice the guilt in my voice.

Her reply was instant and very forceful; "Because if you had really solved any mysteries worthy of the SOS brigade's attention it would have ended up on the news and I would have seen it! There's not much to do when you're sick except sleep and watch TV you know!"

"Anything worthy of the SOS brigade"? I gotta say she sure thinks highly of this ill formed band of supernatural nobodies.

Before I could put together a half decent rebuttal, Miss Asahina took the opportunity to interrupt with two more cups of steaming hot tea. After sipping her tea for a minute or two Haruhi seemed to calm down considerably, likewise the atmosphere in the clubroom soon softened into a peaceful lull. I found that watching Haruhi sip her tea and play with the mouse pad was strangely meditative, and for a while we all just sat like that, silent and unmoving, enjoying the natural quiet.

The serenity of the moment was shattered lightly with the entrance of Koizumi.

"Oh my." He said with that sickeningly knowing smile of his. "So the rumor that miss Suzumiya was back was true after all. I certainly hope you're feeling better!"

Haruhi nodded politely and said, "Thanks Itsuki I do feel a little better now."

I just had to say it. "You're being unusually polite today. You don't still have a fever do you?"

She turned away from me with a delicate sniff. "I don't know what you're talking about! I am always perfectly polite and genteel."

I could hardly help from laughing at that comment. Looking back, I really don't think I deserved the wallop with the mouse pad that followed.

That afternoon felt…good. Her sickness having left her temporarily devoid of ideas for insane new brigade missions, we all just sat and talked about random things for a long time. It was probably the first time any of them had really talked to Haruhi. It was a nice change of pace.

Eventually we had to admit that it was getting late and time to head home. Haruhi was the first to leave. Our eyes met for a moment as she stepped shakily through the door. It was a strange moment, it felt almost as if we had bonded in some way. Maybe Haruhi and I really could be friends like everyone thinks we are.

Now that I've come to it, I find it rather difficult to relay the events that followed because they happened so quickly I'm still not entirely sure what was what. It went something like this;

The door had only just clicked shut after Haruhi's exit, and I was about to announce my departure as well, when I was ripped from my calm and pleasant reverie by and intense flurry of movement stretching all the way across the room.

It was Nagato.

After barely noticing her all afternoon I was made intensely aware of her as she dropped her book on the floor, leapt from her chair and moved across the room so quickly I couldn't see her until she was blocking my path to the door.

"Nagato?" I felt a surge of concern after remembering yesterday's incident. "What on earth's the matter?"

She made no move to answer me, so the three of us could only stand there like idiots as Nagato grasped the lock and turned it with a sharp click.

Contrasted with the speed of her movements just previous, I had never seen someone turn around so slowly in my life. You could have cut the tension with a machete as Nagato slowly raised her head and looked at us with what would, on a normal person's face, have been an expression of determination mingled with anxiety.

"We need to talk."

* * *

Mwee hee hee hee hee, a cliff hanger...

I promised myself I would never do cliffhangers because I hate them so much...but it's only a teeny one!

And the next chapter will probably be up really soon, so it's okay righr? right.

(I'm such a liar. I have no resolve. : 3)


	4. Thy doom is Pink

Bleh. This chapter's not so good. lots of awkward phrasing. And Nagato's technical alien talk is kind of hard to work with...

But you know what? the show must go on! In my opinion this chapter effectively continues the story and for now that's all that matters!

Warning: Over the course of this story I will be taking alot of liberties with the way that Nagato and "The entity" work. The original series never fully explained alot of things so I had to make up alot of things myself, which was really fun,but I understand that this may offend some of the purist die hard fans so um, I'm sorry? and...keep an open mind ok?

And now, without further ado...chapter 4!

* * *

Thy doom is Pink

I believe I may safely assume that it is generally considered unnerving to be suddenly locked into a room by someone. I discovered that day that when that someone is Nagato, the effect is downright frightening, and the nagging suspicion I had been feeling that there was something not right in Nagato's character lately didn't make me feel any better.

For one thing, I hadn't seen her move so fast since the battle with Asakura which, since that had been a life or death situation, made me even more nervous. For another I couldn't help but notice that before she ran to the door, Nagato **dropped her book on the floor. **Whenever nagato was reading, she handled her book as if it were a handcrafted glass ornament, slowly and carefully turning the pages, holding it gently as if it would shatter in her hands. I had **never** seen Nagato treat books so roughly as she had in the past few days. When you factor in the still mysterious incident of yesterday, something had to be up, and I wasn't looking forward to finding out what it was.

"We need to talk"

After several moments of stupefied silence, I pointed nervously at myself.

"Me?" I said rather stupidly.

She nodded. "All of you."

Nagato slowly began walking towards the computer. About halfway there, she stopped and faced us again.

She stood there unmoving for such a long time I was almost annoyed, until I noticed that her hands, which she had clenched firmly at her sides, where trembling, just slightly. Then she looked up and began.

"I am having trouble formulating communications." I was reminded of her speech on the night she first revealed her identity to me. "The situation is critical. There is a great deal of information which must be conveyed, some of it far beyond your level of comprehension." She glanced at me. Should I feel offended?

"It's about miss Suzumiya's illness isn't it?"

Koizumi's voice was dark and serious, and his face, usually so nonchalant and unreadable was filled with grave anxiety. Now I was really worried.

Nagato gave a nod and continued, less hesitantly this time.

"The symptoms recently exhibited by Haruhi Suzumiya cannot be considered a common earth illness as they are not the result of any virus or bacterial infection known to the earth."

Miss Asahina gave a guilty little whimper at this news.

"The conclusion I have drawn from my observations at this time is that the decline in Haruhi Suzumiya's health is the direct result of intrusion from a parasitic force."

"What like a tapeworm or something?" Only now do I realize how stupid my remark must have sounded.

"No."

I was slightly startled by the sharp tone in her voice.

"Three days ago, on the day Haruhi Suzumiya's symptoms began, I sensed an unfamiliar data sequence pass through this room."

"Data sequence?"

"From the perspective of the Data Integration Thought Entity all matter in the universe consists of data codes, consequentially all living things which consist of matter are constantly emitting faint data sequences corresponding to individualities in their biological and personality data. Common earth terms which parallel this concept are 'pulse', 'scent', or 'aura'."

I reflected on how odd it was that while Nagato's voice betrayed no emotion during her speech, she still somehow gave off the air of a college professor who was irritated at having to explain an elementary concept for the umpteenth time.

"Each of you has your own unique data sequence which I have memorized and processed for easy detection. Over the past year I have observed that the flow of yours and Haruhi Suzumiya's data sequences create a distinct pattern while circulating in the confines of this room. This effect makes the detection and removal of uncertain factors in the environment much more convenient. This is how I detected the anomaly responsible for Haruhi Suzumiya's illness."

"The sequence emerged and disappeared from this space within the span of 0.005 seconds earth time. The frequency of the data flow and the highly sophisticated cloaking program utilized by the sequence made it almost impossible to detect, however I was assured of it's presence by an immediate micro shift in the mental data of Haruhi Suzumiya. However, the micro shift righted itself shortly after and I was left uncertain of it's full effect."

"The following day I went to Haruhi Suzumiya's place of residence to analyze her data sequences at a stronger frequency. However I was left unable to draw a complete conclusion due to the fact that Haruhi Suzumiya's data sequence emissions had lessened so exceedingly that they were almost unreadable even at such a close range."

"Over the last two days 79% of my processing power, analytical capacities, and practical use life energy has been employed in thorough analysis of all surrounding data flows connected to Haruhi Suzumiya in order to locate the source of the anomaly." Here she looked at me. "It was for this reason that mild physical injuries I contracted yesterday triggered a high level malfunction reaction. Since it is a habit of yours to develop feelings of concern when I experience physical damage, I apologize for the carelessness on my part which resulted in such a circumstance."

I didn't really know what to say to that. Luckily Nagato wasn't finished.

"The small amounts of conclusive data I was able to gather from my analysis over this time led to several hypotheses, which I was able to verify after her return to school today allowed for more detailed analysis. In addition, I was finally able to track and pinpoint the source location of the anomaly."

"And where did it turn out to be?", Koizumi asked.

Nagato glanced at him once before turning to sit at the chair in front of the computer. Looking up at us blankly and gesturing once with her hand, she was obviously indicating that we should come look. We gathered like a flock of particularly timid pigeons around the humming computer.

Suddenly her fingers began flying across the key board at a machine gun pace. I could only stare open mouthed at the screen as she apparently hacked into the computer memory and sorted out one web page from the browsing history of the last few days.

_Um, couldn't you just click on the web server icon and hit search history? No? ok then._

Once she had reached her destination her fingers stopped as abruptly as they had begun. The page she had led us to was an extremely simplistic page sporting nothing but an over dramatized title and an endless list of bright blue links. I looked more closely at the title of the page. "Down dark alleyways…" sounded familiar…

It came to me in a dramatic flash!

"That's the urban legend forum haruhi showed me!" I exclaimed.

Nagato scrolled down the page a few times before slowly rising from the chair and stepping back. Then raised one finger to point directly at a single link in the center of the page. One that, instead of the bright blue of it's fellows, shone the signature bubblegum pink of a link that had recently been accessed. Accessed three days earlier to be exact. By a girl named Haruhi Suzumiya.

**Armageddon369 **

* * *

Aw y'all knew that was coming. I really need to be less blatant with my foreshadowing.

Read and review!


	5. Armageddon369

So, this chapter did not turn out nearly as good as I wanted it to. Lots of awkwardness (I am the king of awkward! all hail me!^ ^) and there's probably alot of typos because I finished it around three in the morning and didn't feel like going through it with a fine tooth comb (used a wide tooth comb instead. sorry!)

And yes, I know Nagato is ooc.I'm doing that on purpose to explore my idea that she develops more and more human characteristics the longer she spends with the gang.

So yeah, if Nagato seems ooc to you, you don't have to tell me cause I'm doing it on purpose.

h'ok it's time to shut up and on with the show!

* * *

Armageddon369

_You've got to be kidding me._

"Okay, so what is this thing supposed to be?"

"A Data Error."

"Ok. So…what's that again?"

"A non life form entity consisting of incomplete data codes. Data Errors are partial sequence data accumulations resulting from the insufficiency in mental capacity of humans for the formation of complete data manifestations."

"huh?"

"They are failed attempts at the conversion of human mind processes into material data."

"Something your entity cooked up?"

She shook her head.

"The entity is connected to their creation, but the direct source of a Data Error is always a human."

* * *

"Over the course of human history there have been various instances of a phenomenon in which human beings establish a mental connection with the Data Integration Thought Entity."

"Wait, what's that mean?" Maybe I was being rude but I was getting tired of being totally confused all the time.

She continued very calmly, as if she hadn't noticed that I'd snapped at her.

"A data link which connects a portion of the human's consciousness to the entity's. The entity has no control over if or when the connections are made, neither does the human in question seem to posses any authority or awareness of it.

"The connections are made seemingly at random and appear to repute no damage or disadvantage to either party. The only discernable side effect of the connection is a heightened level of intelligence or sensory awareness in humans. Consequentially, those possessing the connection were often acknowledged in human society as geniuses or lunatics. For The Entity's research and record keeping purposes, they are referred to as G4bX8.

"Over time it was observed that a second side effect of the connection was a heightened Data Condensation Capacity."

Before I could ask she turned to me and said, "This is the ability to form consciousness into absolute data. Most humans posses very little or none of this ability, however their link to the entity seems to enhance the capacity in the G4bX8. This resulted in the occasional conversion of their strongest thoughts and convictions into incomplete data fragments."

"Hang on," I cut in again, "that sounds like what you said Haruhi could do! But I thought you said she was an enigma."

"Haruhi Suzumiya is different from the G4bX8." Nagato replied curtly.

"When Haruhi Suzumiya's abilities were first observed the Entity compared the cases as part of it's early investigation, however they were concluded to be unrelated and any similarities coincidental. Haruhi Suzumiya's abilities are completely unfounded. She possesses no connection with the entity and the increase of her Data Condensation Capacity has no known cause at this time. In addition her data manipulation and data generation capabilities are beyond all levels ever achieved by humankind. The amount of data produced by Haruhi Suzumiya on a daily basis far surmounts anything produced by G4bx8 in a lifetime."

"Why didn't you mention any of this to me when you first explained Haruhi's abilities? It sounds important." I was slightly irritated.

"The subjects I chose for our transaction on that occasion were 'myself' and 'Haruhi Suzumiya'. The information regarding the G4bX8 did not pertain to either, therefore it was deemed unnecessary that you be made aware of it."

Great. So there could be all sorts of important things you're still be neglecting to mention because it's not "necessary" at the time.

"Um, so these…special people are responsible for the parasite thing you mentioned before?" For some reason, I hadn't expected miss Asahina to chime in. I wonder if that means she actually _understands_ all this. I suddenly feel really stupid.

Nagato nodded.

"Since the coding of data in a data error is not complete, the data is not able to manifest as physical form or environmental alteration. Consequentially, Data Errors are not capable of surviving in the spacial sector which contains this planet. Many of the lesser data errors attempt to escape their fate by leaving the earth's atmosphere, making it possible for the entity to isolate and delete them. However, certain Data errors of larger mass and higher completion levels have discovered an alternate mode of self preservation. By parasitically infecting a human being.

"In order to survive with no physical form a Data Error requires two types of special data; Biological data and Mental data. When residing within a human body the Data Error can preserve itself by continually absorbing this data from the host's personal data flows.

"However, humans are generally fragile creatures. Each human has a specific limit as to how much data of this kind it can produce and how much it can afford to use, and constant absorption by data errors puts a great strain on the human's physical and mental health. A data error can only feed from a human host for a number of years before the host dies."

The world seemed to freeze for a split second as the implications of everything Nagato had said up till now clicked into place.

"So…if one of those things is using Haruhi now…that means she's going to…die?"

I could barely manage to utter the word. Haruhi Suzumiya die? It wasn't possible…was it?

Nagato shook her head.

"The situation I just described was in regards to ordinary humans. Haruhi Suzumiya is a specialized human being. She is capable of producing data of higher qualities than ordinary humans in seemingly limitless amounts. Theoretically Haruhi Suzumiya would be able to support a data error for numerous decades, by which time her death would not be considered unnatural for a human's average life cycle."

I wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or not.

Suddenly, Koizumi raised his hand.

"Miss Nagato, I have a question." He chimed in.

"When you first began you seemed to me to be quite worried about the situation, which was unusual. I also find it odd that you are revealing so many details of the situation to us rather than simply observing as is your reported mission. However, the situation you have described, while certainly very interesting, does not seem to me to be as critical as your behavior would suggest. To be blunt, why, if miss Suzumiya has the ability to support such a parasite, is it necessary for us to do anything?"

Nagato looked down for a minute, as if hesitant to reveal the dark side of this development.

"The Data Error currently infecting Haruhi Suzumiya was once know as Special Research Subject001369. It was not the largest nor the most complex of the data errors in special research, but it exhibited abnormal behavior that the entity found intriguing. Most data errors, upon creation, tend to remain suspended at a single point in space until they can absorb enough matter data to blend in with earth data flows. In the first five minutes of Subject001369's life, it rapidly transported to various points in thirty seven different earth countries before settling in the exact location it started from.

"The entity tracked it's progress through several human hosts in it's surprisingly long life of five years. Then, it suddenly disappeared."

"You mean it died?" stupid question on my part.

"It vanished. It's presence on earth was completely gone. Since it was no longer detectable, the entity soon removed Subject001369 from active investigations and locked all related information into classified data storage. Recently acquired data has led to the hypothesis that Subject001369's disappearance was due to it's hibernation in the computer network."

"The internet?"

She nodded. "The computer network is a system that has always intrigued the entity. A system of pure data transferred through wave signals between countless terminals across the planet. The concepts and mechanics are elementary but the fact that humans achieved this at all is impressive when taking into account their current average intelligence levels."

_Should I feel flattered, or offended?_

"To the data error, the computer network provided a suitable long term host. The vast amount of mechanical and general purpose data circulated throughout the system served as a substitute for the biological data it needed, and traversing the computer terminals allowed access into countless human minds, from which it could accumulate samples of human mental data without harming a human host. It is probable that Subject001369 would have been content to continue existing in the internet if it had not encountered Haruhi Suzumiya."

"Okay, so why did it infect her anyway? If all it needs is to survive surely the internet is a more stable host than any human, no matter how extraordinary."

She barley paused before blurting out what seemed to be the answer to the entire situation.

"Because the goal of this particular Data Error is not simply survival. In addition to it's abnormal movements, over the course of it's observations the entity perceived a constant fluxuation in Subject001369's data pattern which suggested the evidence of a consciousness. This would make it possible for it to choose it's actions based on free will and personal desires."

"Is that common among Data Errors?"

"It is theoretically possible. We believe this to be the first occurrence. Our inexperience with such an occurrence is what makes the situation dangerous."

She turned to Koizumi and said, "This is the answer to your previous question; in most cases, my duty _is_ to observe the environment surrounding Haruhi Suzumiya and analyze and report any significant changes. If the situation is of a nature that could cause harm to the research specimen, I may be given authorization to act."

"So what you're saying is that we have entered such a situation now, is that correct?" ,said Koizumi

Why isn't he confused at all?

She nodded.

"At this point we are acting on the hypothesis that the data error's goal is to take full possession of Haruhi Suzumiya's mind and body, effectively eradicating her existence as herself and allowing it full access to her abilities to use them for it's own ends. This would not only eliminate the chance for evolution that Haruhi suzumiya provides, but could also, depending on the data error's eventual goal, cause great harm to the state of the earth as we know it. For easily discernable reasons, The entity does not wish for this to happen. This is why I was given authority over the situation and chose to reveal the details to you."

Naturally, or maybe not, this led to my asking the rather stupid question of:

"So why _are_ you telling us about it?"

"To request your assistance."

"…"

Okay, that I did not expect.

"Over the first few days of infection, the Data Error was most likely engaged in the rapid consumption of Biological data from Haruhi Suzumiya to make up for it's long term lack of proper nutrients. This would account for Haruhi Suzumiya's rapid decline in health. We can assume from her recovery that the Biological data consumption has lessened, therefore her physical condition will most likely begin to improve. However, the next logical assumption is that the Data Error will begin to absorb Mental data. This could cause varying levels of abnormality in Haruhi suzumiya's personality, memory, and routine. My request is that should you observe any abnormalities which you believe to be in any way cautionary or harmful, please inform me immediately."

"But shouldn't you be able to tell those things by yourself? You said you were really good at controlling data or whatever right? So why do you need us?"

I still can't figure out why I felt suspicious at that time, all I can think looking back is how much of an idiot I was to say those things to her! Idiot, Idiot!

Nagato looked down at her feet. If she were a normal person I would have taken this as a sign that she was embarrassed or even ashamed, but Nagato would never show emotions like that, right?

"My skills do not extend to this area. I have very little experience with Data errors. I hold only the information which is imperative to my mission and can be made immediate use of. Before now I only had a minimal knowledge of the Data Errors and G4bx8. Consequentially the most reliable form of analysis at this time would be simple observation of perceivable changes, however my abilities in this area are also lacking. I am admittedly not as close to Haruhi Suzumiya as some of you," She looked pointedly at me. I felt an unexplained pang of…something. "and it cannot be denied that my perception of general human behavioral patterns is also lacking. For these reasons, I would benefit from your assistance on the removal of the data Error."

"Okay, so what are we supposed to do to beat this thing?"

"Nothing"

Mikuru, Koizumi and I all gave a start of surprise.

"What do you mean nothing?"

"I mean that at the present time there is no action any of us could take that would profit any results. By this time the Data error has fused completely with Haruhi Suzumiya's regular data flows. Attempting to extract it forcefully would be harmful to Haruhi Suzumiya herself and would most likely prove futile. We can do nothing until the Data error reaches a point of manifestation."

"What does that mean?"

"If the data error continues to absorb data at the current rate, then hypothetically there will eventually come a point when it's mass will exceed the confines of Haruhi Suzumiya's body and it will be forced to become partially manifest for a brief period of time. This is the point at which we must act."

_And when might that be?_

"This would most likely happen within the next year. The point of manifestation itself could last anywhere from several hours , to a fraction of a second."

"A fraction of a second? You've got to be kidding me! There's no way we could possibly-!"

"I know!" she cut me off in a firm and very loud voice.

Today really was the day for firsts wasn't it? That was the first time I had ever heard Nagato speak so loudly.

The silence after her outburst was thick and stifling.

After a moment she spoke again, her voice slightly strained.

"However at this point it is the only option we have. My inadequacies make the only other possible courses of action inadvisable."

Her fists were clenched tightly at her sides.

I didn't know what to say. I suddenly felt very guilty.

_I wonder why?_

After another moment Nagato looked up, her usual expressionless face altered only by a fierce light behind her eyes that resembled determination.

"Because of our inadequacy we must be on our guard even more diligently that previous. Any substantial change in Haruhi Suzumiya's manner or environment must be taken into account and any new anomalies dealt with as efficiently as possible, in order to save Haruhi Suzumiya."

I was utterly at a loss for words. Nagato's unexpected display of emotion (or something close to) still had me confused. Not to mention pondering what I was supposed to say in response to her uncharacteristic pep speech.

I should have known Koizumi would be the one to break the ice with his infuriating weirdness.

"Well said." He said cheerily. "I believe we will indeed have to be careful from now on. Since my goal is also that of protecting miss Suzumiya, I will give my all to assisting you in this mission!" he took a step towards Nagato and extended a hand towards Miss Asahina.

"Oh! Um…me too…? I guess…I mean if we're voting on it. Are we? Um, I vote yes!" still acting very confused and flustered, Miss Asahina bravely placed her hand on top of Koizumi's and nodded as if to reassure herself that this was what she was supposed to do.

Koizumi smiled brilliantly and looked at me expectantly.

"If you expect me to stride forward and put my hand on the pile while pronouncing my absolute loyalty to the cause you'll be disappointed. You do realize how ridiculous you look right?"

"Oh come now, it's the spirit of the thing. And it's all in good fun!"

_Does that guy ever stop smiling?_

"Nagato didn't even ask us if we were going to help you know, you don't have to make a big show out of answering a question that hasn't been asked." I grumbled.

"I don't see why you're being difficult. You don't expect me to believe that you were actually going to refuse to help Miss Suzumiya do you?"

_Damn him._

With a grunt of submission I added to the utter cliché of the scene by placing my hand on top of Mikuru's and mumbling "I'll do my best."

I guess it would be useless even to wonder what I'm getting myself into.

* * *

Read and review.

But please be gentle as my disapointment with this chapter has made my ego rather fragile.


	6. Names

Merry christmas and a happy new year!

I am sorry It has taken me forever to update. High school is attempting to crush my creative spirit. I vow to make a comeback over this vacation!

This chapter marks the debut of my original character, and is dedicated to her namesake (A lovely girl at my school called Ekemini)

editorial notes: The awkwardness lives! I just can't write without the awkward!^ ^

Sorry for mistakes in spelling or structure. I rushed the ending a little.

...think that's all

please enjoy!

* * *

Names

"We've got a problem!"

Mikuru and Koizumi looked up in surprise as I came bursting in the door of the clubroom.

Koizumi craned his neck to look behind me. "Miss Suzumiya isn't with you?" he asked.

"She went home. She said the meeting was called off today."

The tense expression on Koizumi's face relaxed slightly. "Ah good. Very well then what seems to be the trouble?"

It seems that if Haruhi accidentally heard us discussing the fact that she was being eaten by an intergalactic parasite, a catastrophic or at least problematic event would occur (according to Nagato). Someday I'm going to have her explain to me exactly what these catastrophic events she keeps mentioning might turn out to be.

"You're not going to believe this, but when I came into class this morning, Haruhi said 'Good Morning' to me!"

Koizumi stared at me blankly for a moment.

"Yes?"

"Don't you get it?", I whined. "Haruhi has never been that polite to me before. Her idea of a greeting up till now has been to shove herself in my face and start ranting!"

"Well now that you mention it, it does seem unusual for miss Suzumiya to be so polite as to greet someone her age.", he said thoughtfully. Then he smiled that perfectly annoying smile. "Watching the changes in miss Suzumiya's personality over these past few weeks has indeed been interesting."

"Just wait it gets even worse."

He looked at me inquiringly.

"Right after that she said something so unbelievable it's creepy."

"What?"

I leaned in and whispered, "She called me by my name!"

Koizumi raised his eyebrows. "Oh my! That _is_ different."

"Exactly! Haruhi has never called me by my name before, I didn't even think she knew it!"

"I see." He said a little too contemplatively. Then he raised his head as if remembering something. "What is your name, by the way?"

"Well it's, uh…" , I stammered, taken aback. Then after another look at his disgusting smile I grimaced and said, "You know, I get this feeling like I really don't want to tell you."

_Who knows what you'd do with that information._

Koizumi laughed "Well I can understand that! But could it really be that miss Suzumiya didn't know it either?"

"I'm pretty sure. She's never called me anything but 'Kyon' as long as I've known her. She even introduced me to you guys as 'Kyon' even though she knew I hated that stupid nickname."

I was interrupted by miss Asahina's voice from behind my back.

"So, you don't like being called 'Kyon'?"

"Well, no not really." How else should I have responded? "It's just a random nickname one of my aunts thought up that spread." I stopped abruptly when Mikuru suddenly let out a wail of distress.

"Oh no! And I've been calling you Kyon this whole time…Even though you hate it!" tears began rolling down her lovely pink cheeks as I stood helplessly at a loss. "I'm so sorry Kyon…oh no! I did it again…AH~!" She cried, "I've just realized I don't know your real name either! Oh~! I'm so sorry Kyon, I'm such a terrible person. I've known you all this time and I still don't know your name!"

As adorable as the sobbing Mikuru looks, I couldn't bear the thought that I was making her feel so miserable.

"Miss Asahina, please don't worry about it! I was talking about how I felt back then, I don't mind so much now. I've gotten used to it, really. In fact I think it would be pretty unsettling if you ever called me anything besides Kyon."

She looked up with a hopeful expression. "Really?"

I smiled "Really. You can call me whatever you like miss Asahina."

Once Mikuru had cheered up and pranced off to make my tea I stumbled towards the table, feeling as though all my energy had been sucked out by a giant vacuum.

Koizumi had sat down in the chair next to mine and was studying Mikuru thoughtfully.

"Miss Asahina has been rather…_high strung_ lately." He observed.

"She's probably worried about Haruhi."

He nodded slightly. "Indeed. Miss Asahina is the type of person who can't bear to see the people she is close to get hurt. She also seems to have a habit of blaming herself, even when the incident has absolutely nothing to do with her."

"Yeah." I chuckled slightly as she fumbled with the teacups. "A talent that still amazes me."

"I suppose we're in no position to talk, though."

Something in his voice made it seem as though he had forgotten I was there. His hands were folded under his chin and he had a faraway look in his eyes as he watched Mikuru pour the tea.

"I too have had times when I blamed myself for this predicament." He said softly. "I feel that I should have been able to see that something was wrong and prevent it. Not only as miss Suzumiya's servant, but as someone close to her. As her friend."

He smiled sadly, lifted his head and looked at me "I'm sure you feel this way as well, though I doubt you would ever admit that to me, am I right?"

_You're annoying is what you are._

"It's not like I feel guilty or anything.", I grumbled quietly. "I'm not even that worried. I mean, nothing's happened yet. But…it bugs me. Haruhi acting like this. She's not her usual self anymore, she's someone different, and that bugs me."

_Just when I realized that I liked her usual self. _

Koizumi looked at me with wide eyes for a moment. Then he put his head back down and gave me a knowing smirk.

"What?" that smile pissed me off to no limit.

"Oh nothing. I was just thinking you seem to be unusually passionate about this situation. I seem to recall a time when you insisted indifference. Several times in fact." He chuckled. "One has to wonder what this change might signify. That's all."

I could feel my face heating up. I remembered those times too, and part of me _was_ wondering why I didn't feel that way now. Why I was so bothered. But I couldn't find an answer.

Luckily Miss Asahina arrived with my tea, so I didn't have to think of an indignant reply to Koizumi's acute psychoanalysis. After taking my teacup and thanking her I left the table, in an attempt to escape from the further probing Koizumi was obviously preparing to do, and made my way over to Nagato, who was sitting at the computer typing avidly.

Since she didn't even look up as I approached I just stood behind her and sipped my tea as quietly as I could while trying to watch her work over her shoulder. She was doing that thing again where the dozens of windows filled with number streams flashed across the screen. It looked like the Armagedon369 web page was open underneath all that, but I wasn't tech savvy enough to know what any of that meant, and I was getting dizzy just from watching the screen. In the end, I decided to speak up.

"Um, Nagato?"

"Hello."

"What are you doing?"

Her typing slowed and she glanced at me before replying.

"I am tracking the Data Error."

"Really? You can do that?"

"When the Data Error infected Haruhi Suzumiya it transferred a portion of itself into her and left a portion of itself rooted to this computer terminal, most likely as a precaution in case the infection failed.", she said. "As it grows stronger the Data Error is constantly siphoning more of itself into Haruhi Suzumiya. This leaves a trail of sorts which I can access from this computer terminal and analyze to determine the Data Error's progress without it becoming aware of my existence."

"Hey Nagato, I was wondering something. Haruhi called me by name this morning right?"

"So you say."

_So she was listening._

"Well I was just thinking, I really didn't think she knew my real name before now. So do you think that might have something to do with this error thing you're chasing?"

"If you are asking me if it is possible for the data Error to have given your name to Haruhi Suzumiya when she was previously unaware of it, then the answer is no. The chance of that happening would be Zero percent.

"Information and memories such as peoples' names are stored in the brain. The Data Error has no brain, it is using Haruhi Suzumiya's. Consequentially, The Data Error knows everything Haruhi Suzumiya knows."

"That doesn't sound good."

"Actually, this is very advantageous to us."

"Why?"

I wouldn't say that she looked smug, but the air around Nagato was definitely filled with a sense of great satisfaction.

"Since the Data Error knows everything Haruhi Suzumiya knows, this also means that it knows _only_ what Haruhi Suzumiya knows. Therefore, anything that Haruhi Suzumiya does not know is also unknown to the Data Error."

I thought for a minute. What did Haruhi not know that could help us beat the data whatsit? I felt the classic little light bulb light up above my head.

"Haruhi doesn't know who you guys really are!" I declared triumphantly.

Nagato's mouth turned up ever so slightly, giving the effect of a smile. Then she turned her head back to her work.

"Correct. Since Haruhi Suzumiya is as yet unaware of the identities and abilities of Mikuru Asahina, Itsuki Koizumi and myself, We have the advantage of the first step. The Data Error does not yet see us as a threat, therefore we are able to plan an offense without fear that the enemy will be ready with a defense."

_I get it! That's kind of cool!_

"So what kind of offense are we going for anyway?" I asked enthusiastically. Nagato stopped typing abruptly.

I could practically feel the satisfied atmosphere draining away to be replaced by a suffocating gloom.

"Okay! I got it! You haven't figured it out yet! I'll just, go away now and let you, uh, work." I stammered frantically.

Nagato looked at me inquisitively for a moment, then resumed typing. With a sigh I made my way back to my seat at the table to finish my tea and watch miss Asahina play Othello with Koizumi. She was surprisingly good at Othello and I had a bet on with myself that she would win, but the majority of my mind was focused on something else. I was thinking about what Koizumi had said, and the way Nagato and Mikuru were acting.

It wasn't that I blamed myself, that just wouldn't make sense. It's not as if I have any super powers that I could have used to save her.

_But that's just it, really. That's what's got me so bothered._

Koizumi, Nagato, Miss Asahina, they all have reasons to be worried, missions to carry out, and ways to defend those missions. They can use their special technology to analyze the situation and their super powers to end it when the time comes. What about me? As we've already established countless times, I'm a completely ordinary human. What can I really do in a situation like this? All I'm able to do is watch as Haruhi changes into someone else, which I can hardly bear anymore. And although Nagato assures me that my reports are a help to her, I can't help but feel like dead weight.

I just feel so…useless. That's what's really bugging me about this mess. It almost makes me wish that something bad _would_ happen, even if that meant Haruhi getting hurt. At least then maybe there would be something I could _do_ about it. Or maybe it was pointless to think that way. What would I do if something like that did happen? I don't even know. I guess I'm just being melodramatic.

Lately, Nagato had become the new indicator for departure time from the clubroom. As soon as she finished her work on the computer and got up to leave we all started packing up. I trudged home feeling rather depressed.

I can honestly say I really didn't expect anything to happen anytime soon.

* * *

The next morning, I overslept as usual. After rushing to get my things together I bolted out the door behind schedule and had to run the distance from my house to the base of The Hill. Needless to say, when I rushed into class two seconds early I couldn't find the energy to care that Haruhi was absent again. She was absent a lot lately, and her display of abnormalities from the other day was not the first by a long shot. She had been having mood swings, relapses of illness, and times when it seemed her mind had gone somewhere else entirely. By now, I figured, I'd seen everything.

The teacher was late again that day, so really it wouldn't have mattered if I had been a minute or two late. I sat in my desk staring into space for a while before the world started to blur and my mind went blank. I could feel the edges of sleep enveloping my exhausted brain and I felt my head begin to droop as my eyes fluttered closed…

"Hey there kid!"

My eyes snapped open and my brain clicked back into action.

I found myself staring into a pair of bright yellow eyes. With a start I jumped back in my seat, revealing that the eyes were occupying an unfamiliar face. There was a girl I had never seen before, sitting in the seat just in front of me. As my eyes focused they were drawn immediately to a head of bright blonde hair… or, was it blonde? It sort of looked greenish, or maybe not. I couldn't really decide what color it was. Her eyes were definitely yellow though, and very piercing.

"Woops, did I wake you up?" She said cheerily. "Heh. Sorry! Although…" She narrowed her eyes playfully and inched closer, "you really shouldn't be falling asleep right before class starts! Troublemaker!" She said, giving me a small whack on the head with the pencil she was clutching.

To say I was taken aback would have been a serious understatement.

"Wow. You look like a cat just climbed up your butt! What's the matter?"

She gasped mockingly and pressed her hands to her cheeks, "Do I have something on my face?"

"Er, no, it…you…"

I freely admit it. I was speechless.

"Oh jeez, what am I thinking?" She slapped her own forehead and rolled her eyes.

"I haven't introduced myself yet!" She extended a hand across my desk. "Pleased to meet'cha I'm Kemini! Kemini Okuwagi!"

She shook my hesitantly extended hand enthusiastically before leaning back with a sunny smile.

Once I had my bearings back I took a moment to examine this new development more closely. She was a relatively attractive girl of average height. Her proportions were normal, her face held no truly distinguishing features. Apart from her indeterminable hair color (which was probably just me) there wasn't really anything that spectacular about her appearance. And yet, there was something about her that was, different. She almost seemed to be…glowing. Was that just a characteristic of energetic people?

As my disoriented train of thought wandered aimlessly I found myself vaguely wondering what became of the kid who used to reside in that seat. This thought was quickly drowned out however, as, er, "Kemini"(weird name), resumed chatting animatedly

"I can tell by your various expressions of shock that you find me a bit discombobulating, but don't worry. I'm actually really nice and funny and I'm sure you'll like me a whole lot. I like you already. You're cool. What say we be friends, huh kid? Just what I was thinking! Great idea! Why thank you! You're welcome!"

I blinked.

_Hold on, so we're friends now? Where did that come from?_

Completely ignoring my stunned silence she continued happily chatting to herself as if she hadn't a care in the world.

_Well, one things for sure. This girl is extremely confident. No to mention __**forward**__. I've heard there are people in America like that. Probably a generalization, still, I wonder if she's really_

"…a foreigner."

With a start I looked up at the girl, who still wore a brilliant smile on her face.

"That's what you were thinking wasn't it?" She demanded cheerily, swooping down closer to my face. "You were thinking since I'm so forward I must be a foreigner! I'm right aren't I? I'm sort of clairvoyant like that!" she giggled. "Oh and you'd be right by the way. I am part Japanese but I was raised mostly in Germany and only came back recently."

Funny her Japanese is so good. I always thought German and Japanese were really different.

"And now you're thinking that for someone from Germany my Japanese is pretty good."

"How are you doing that? It's creepy!"

"I have really good intuition, but in your case it's way too easy. You're an open book!"

_Open book?_

"Yup! All your emotions show clearly on your face, so it's pretty easy to guess what kind of thoughts you're having. Although that's one weird expression you've got on now. What are you thinking? Right now!"

This was definitely shaping up to be the weirdest first encounter I'd ever had with another person, and I wasn't very comfortable with the questions and demands she was posing. That said, I have no idea what possessed me to be completely honest at that moment.

"Right now?" I said dazedly. "I'm thinking…what color is your hair? At first it looks blonde, but it's also sort of greenish, but at the same time sort of purplish. I really can't decide."

Her eyes widened slightly and her face froze. After a moment she broke out into a smile again.

"Wow. Didn't see that one coming! My hair _is_ blonde, at least that's what I've always thought. You sure are an interesting guy you know that? Everyone else I met today said my hair was blonde! Maybe it's the lighting in here that makes it look weird."

I shrugged "Yeah probably." I said, trying to look less like a total nut case by laughing nervously.

_Now that I look again, it really is just plain blonde. My brain must have been woozy, I did almost nod off a minute ago._

"So hey, hey!" her shrill voice snatched me out of my thoughts once again.

"Now that we're friends, that means we get to be on first-name terms now right? Did I get that right? Yay! So I was thinking, do you have a nickname? I mean, your real name's cool, I guess, it's just kind of ordinary."

I decided to just roll with it for the time being.

"um, sure. Everyone calls me Kyon… wait, you know my real name?"

"Kyon! I like it! So cute! Well of course I know it! I memorized the seating chart before I got here. 'Be prepared', that's my motto!"

I remember briefly reflecting on what a coincidence it was that the subject of my name and who knew it was coming up again.

"…and of course you'll call me Kemini. She continued brightly. "Seriously, if I catch you trying to call me "Miss Okuwagi" or anything boring like that I'll do something that would cause you physical pain. Allot of it. 'Kay?"

I nodded. What else could I do?

She clapped her hands with excitement. "Yay! So that's all settled. I'm so glad we're best friends now Kyon, This will be so much fun!"

_WoahWoahWoah now we're __**best**__ friends? Jeez this girl goes at fifty miles a second! _

I was spared from searching my brain for a less offensive reaction by the arrival of the now very late teacher. Kemini spun swiftly about in her seat to face front as the rest of the class hurried over to their seats.

I suddenly felt an intense desire to go back to bed.

Little did I know, that feeling wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.

With a sigh of resignation I sank back into my seat and glanced at the back of Kemini, my new "best friend's" head.

I really could have sworn her hair was green…

* * *

...oooh spooky. nah.

please give me lotsanlots of reviews please!


	7. Friend

I LIIIIVVVEEE!

Ok, I'm not gonna make excuses. I was away far too long and I feel bad and it was my own fault because I'm lazy so there!

For the sake of providing this long long long overdue update I split this chapter in half, making it shorter than planned and somewhat cliffhangery. I apologize for that, but the rest of the chapter is in production and I will try to have it up within the next week.

geromino!

* * *

Friend

I woke up the next morning feeling pretty good about life. The sun was shining, it was a brand new day, and I had successfully taken care of all impending homework the night before, so I could walk into that classroom without fear. Or so I thought.

Of course it wasn't long before reality with it's usual timeliness decided to come crashing down. Namely, in the memory of my new "Best friend", Kemini. Thus the rare good morning was shattered and I was once again thrown in amidst the whirlpool of anguish that is my current day to day life.

It wasn't as though I had anything against Kemini, I didn't know her well enough to make any judgments yet. Still, just the memory of yesterday's encounter was enough to indicate that interaction with her on a daily basis was going to be the second most exhausting experience of my life, the first of course, being Haruhi.

Haruhi.

Ah yes, Haruhi.

Silly little brain. Did we almost forget the most vital factor in this hell of a situation? There was no way in heaven or earth to predict just what Haruhi's reaction to this new development was going to be. And honestly, I wasn't sure I _wanted_ to know

You see, for certain...reasons...which I don't think I'd like to go into in explicit detail right now, (Hey cut me some slack! I'm confused enough already!) I very much doubt that Haruhi would take kindly to my having a close relationship with any member of the opposite sex, and something deep inside was telling me that she definitely wasn't going to take to Kemini. Probably the unsettling, but undeniable observation that their personalities were, in a way, rather similar.

When I entered the classroom my first move was to quickly survey the area. Haruhi was already in her seat, slouched over with her head in her arms and her face towards the window, little flames of irritation swirling in the air around her. I glanced to the right. Good, Kemini had not yet arrived. There was still some time to set up a defensive should the enemy prove abnormally hostile.

I walked slowly to my desk and sat down as casually as possible, much the way one would approach a sleeping, rabid, female tiger. After taking a few moments to compose myself and work out my first attack, I turned around to say good morning to Haruhi. Unfortunately, the situation was far more serious than I'd thought.

"Don't talk to me today! I couldn't get to sleep last night and I'm in a bad mood. I don't feel like hearing your stupid voice!" she snapped, burying her head in her folded arms with a scowl.

Now, having just spent the entire morning stressing out over how to deal with her, I found this abrupt dismissal extremely irritating. That said perhaps my behavior was slightly less mature than would be desirable.

"Well fine by me. Maybe I don't want to talk to you either." I grumbled, as I began turning to face front again.

Her head shot up and both fists came down upon the desk top with a resounding bang!

"Why the hell not?", she screamed.

Half the heads in the classroom shot up and began whispering at the sudden outburst. I, who had taken the full impact of the blast, could only blink in shock as I struggled to pull together enough words for a rebuttal.

"Wh-why do you care? You just said you didn't want to talk to me!" I stammered defiantly.

"This and that are different! Why don't _you_ want to talk to _me_? What did I ever do to you?"

Still shouting, she gestured wildly to me, and then herself to emphasize the accusation. Her voice was strained and taking on a whining tone.

_If there is one thing I can't stand it is people with double standards!_

"What, you want a list?" I snapped back, genuinely angry now. I had had just about enough of her mood swings! "For starters you called me stupid just now!"

She rolled her eyes.

"Oh please, I call you names all the time! You should know by now I don't mean it!"

_. . .woah._

"I- …You don't?"

"Of course not! It's called playful teasing, it's what friends do!"

_. . .__**Woah!**_

"F-friends?"

"Well duh, what did you think we were?"

"Um... I don't know. Associates, or something?"

"Ugh, you are so annoying! What do I keep you around for?"

_don't ask me!_

This was too much. It really was. You would think that after all the crazy shit that had been happening these last few weeks I would have been prepared for anything, but this was too much! I _did not_ just hear Haruhi Suzumiya tell me straight up that we were friends.

Strangely enough, along with the initial shock I felt a bizarre surge of misdirected anger. I had spent all this time trying not to think about the definition of our relationship for the simple reason that it was way too confusing. She had pushed me around, ordered me about, and belittled my existence every day that we'd known each other while still managing to make it clear that my time and attention (and more often than not, money) were hers to claim. I had spent countless pointless hours contemplating the significance of her attitude towards me, and all the while she had been sitting pretty excusing her own rotten behavior with the one-sided decision that we were "friends"! Since when were we Friends? I never agreed to this!

This line of thought was, of course, ridiculous, and the result of harrowed nerves and a bad attitude. At the time I had yet to realize that practically everyone we knew already assumed that Haruhi and I were friends or more. The only reason I was so behind the loop (_Is that how that phrase goes?)_, was because I was, well...an idiot. An idiot who liked to over think, and avoided thoughts that shook whatever flow I happened to be rolling with.

Well, as far as "flow-shaking" thoughts go, this one took the cake.

It was perhaps good luck then, that Kemini chose to appear just in time to stop me from voicing my idiotic thoughts and incurring Haruhi's further wrath. Although, at the time I definitely did not see it that way. In fact, my first thought upon glimpsing her golden head emerge through the sliding door of the classroom was;

_"Oh. Hell."_

Little did I know that hell would have been an absolute bundle of laughs, compared to five minutes between two of the most frightening females ever to walk the earth.

Kemini, who was beginning to remind me of a particularly buoyant gas molecule wearing a blonde wig, wasted no time in bounding straight over to my seat and talking at me in the loudest, fastest voice you could imagine.

"Oh my god! Kyon, you will not believe what just happened. I was riding on the train this morning and someone tried to feel up under my skirt! Can you believe it? A real live train pervert! Just like in a shoujo manga! Isn't that exciting? Of course, in a manga there would have been some ridiculously attractive guy standing ready to save the heroine. I just kicked the sicko's butt and got off the train. But come to think of it, that's even cooler isn't it? More manga heroines should do that instead of crying and waiting for the ridiculously gorgeous prince guy cause, let's face it, most guys are average at best, so what's the point? Hey what do you think? Do you like it better when they cry or kick you?"

What happened next will be burned onto my memory till the day I die. I looked over my shoulder to gauge Haruhi's reaction and was met with a sight more terrifying than anything I had ever seen.

She was staring straight at Kemini's bright blonde head, (which was still cocked to one side, eagerly waiting to hear my preference in manga heroine types), her expression completely blank. There was not a single hint in her face of any emotion whatsoever.

I had seen her angry, happy, melancholic, surprised, irritated and now even sickly, but the one expression I never expected to see on Haruhi Suzumiya's face was no expression at all. I found that I had no idea what to do about it. On a scale of awkwardness, this situation was...totally insane.

Debatably luckily for me, I didn't have to deliberate long on how to react. Kemini, apparently having grown bored of waiting for me to answer, was now directing her attention elsewhere. Specifically, at a certain someone sitting behind me who had not said a word since her arrival.

"Oh, who's this? Wow! I totally didn't notice you at all!"

Haruhi's eyebrow twitched ever so slightly. Kemini, unperturbed, continued merrily.

"Were you here yesterday? I'm pretty sure I'd remember if you were. Were you out sick? Are you feeling any better?"

Silence.

Then Haruhi spoke.

"Who the hell are you?"

Kemini looked about as taken aback as a person could be. It was quite unsettling. Even someone as assertive and energetic as Kemini was shaken by Haruhi's brutal lack of etiquette. Still, not one to be outdone, she soon collected herself and shot Haruhi a brilliant smile.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself! I'm Kemini Okuwagi!"

She extended her hand forcefully in Haruhi's direction.

She ignored it. Her eyes were locked onto Kemini's face and her voice was growing increasingly high pitched.

"What are you doing here? Why are you talking to him?"

She turned to me.

"Why is she talking to you?"

If I had had a chance to answer I honestly don't know what I would have said. The way Haruhi was looking at me was like nothing I had ever seen. I didn't know whether I should feel terrified or...sad.

Kemini, however was not the least put off by the situation...yet.

"Kyon's my new friend! We met yesterday, he's awesome. Are you guys friends too? isn't he great?" she chirped, her effervescent grin never wavering.

Haruhi was not amused.

"I wasn't talking to you!" she snapped at the unsuspecting blonde before turning on me again. "Why are you talking to her?"

I opened my mouth to say something defensive and clever, but the panic in her eyes froze the air in my throat.

It was becoming clear that I was to have no part in this discussion. I could only sit by helplessly as Kemini answered for me once again. By this time she seemed to have caught on to the hostile turn the conversation was taking.

"We're just friends," she frowned, "why are you so worked up? Unless..." her eyes narrowed devilishly as she glanced from Haruhi to me with a smirk. "Aww...is she jealous? Kyon, you didn't tell me you had a girlfriend! how sweet!"

_**...W.O.A.H.!**_

My throat unfroze out of pure shock.

"W-what?" I stammered, "That's not... even...It's not like...I mean, no way!"

_I beg of you, please __**please PLEASE**__ don't go there! This is sensitive territory!_

But it was too late. Haruhi was already as red as a person could possibly be. And something told me it wasn't because she was embarrassed.

"Why don't you just mind your own fucking business and shut up! I said I wasn't talking to you!"

A chorus of gasps and whispers erupted from our classroom audience, some of whom had moved closer in a completely unabashed attempt to get better eavesdropping positions.

Kemini's eyes went wide.

"Geez. I'm sorry ok? I didn't mean to offend." she said, holding her hands up defensively.

But Haruhi would not back down. There was something frantic and maniacal in the her eyes as she snapped her reply.

"Why don't you make it up to me by crawling off to die then huh?

This time Kemini's eyes narrowed in a combination of disgust and outrage.

"What is your problem? Kyon, your friend is a real bitch! Why is she like that?"

Once again I was spared the inconvenience of having to reply as Haruhi suddenly rose from her seat and stepped forward to meet Kemini's hateful gaze with one of equal hostility.

"What did you call me?"

"A bitch. You're needlessly hostile, unbelievably rude and seem to have some serious superiority issues. That's my definition of a bitch, what's yours?"

"How about an annoying little blond tramp who sticks her nose in where it isn't wanted and couldn't shut up if her life depended on it?"

At this point my balls finally decided to show up.

"Hey um―"

"Look, I've already apologized! I can't help being a little bit nosy, that's just how I am. If you don't want to answer my questions then don't, but there's no need to attack me like this!"

"Hey listen, girls, I think this―"

I was promptly cut off by a terrifying glare from Haruhi.

"Shut up Kyon!"

Kyon promptly shut up.

...much to the displeasure of Kemini. It was becoming clear that there was no winning with these two.

"Don't you tell him to shut up! He had something to say! You can't tell him what to do!"

"Sure I can! I'm the brigade leader, he's my subordinate! I can tell him anything I like and if I want something he has to do it!"

"That is such bullshit! You have problems, looks like I called it on those superiority issues huh? You still gonna claim you're not a bitch?"

Up until that day, I had heard stories of the infamous "cat-fights" that hormonal teenage girls were apparently supposed to participate in on a daily basis, but had never actually seen one. When Haruhi lunged at Kemini mid sentence, it may not have been as profound an experience as seeing the louvre or climbing everest, but I have to tell you, it came pretty damn close.

* * *

I would like to take this time to beg and plead a little. Please **please ****please** leave reviews! Anything will do, a couple of words even! Reviews are precious fuel to authors, we need to know our work is appreciated. I have some inferiority issues so if I don't feel like anybody wants to read it I'll feel like I'm imposing and lose the motivation to write! Apparently I can disappear for a very long time without even noticing (Talk about time flying!), and I really would like to finish this story just for the sake of accomplishment, so please, help me!

I promise some really good stuff is coming up! Yuki and Kyon have a heart-to-heart, Time goes screwy and Mikuru turns bad ass, Kyon gets attacked by more insane girls with knives, and we even get to take a walk inside Haruhi's mind!

So please, keep reading and Review!


	8. Friends?

ok, I've been taking too long to update, and at this rate I just know I'll end up forgeting or giving up and just never finishing.

So from now on, die perfectionism! I don't care if the writing isn't stellar, I'll have plenty of time to learn and correct once the story's finished, but if I never finish anything I'll never get anywhere as a writer!

I could use a little help though, so you see this new chapter right here? This is what you get when you **review.**

I wasn't kidding about the inferiority complex mentioned in the last author note. If you want to read more you have to let me know, or I subconsciously assume that you don't. It's annoying, but true.

(those of you who did leave me reviews, thank you very much! You are lovely. Shout out to the ones who called me "Dude" and "Sir"; whoever you are, I like you already! ^ ^)

on an editorial note, Some parts of this may seem strangely composed or paced. Just letting you know that I felt experimental as I wrote this, so about 90% of that is (probably) intentional.

* * *

Friends...?

"How are you faring?"

Kemini looked up from the ice she was applying to her knee.

"Oh fine!" she replied sunnily, "I've had a lot worse, believe me! You should've seen the other girl"

We had been stationed in chairs outside the school infirmary. Upon reflection, my previous depiction of the event was admittedly a bit overly dramatized. Emotions were high, but what basically went down was this; Haruhi lunged at Kemini aiming a left hook straight at her face. Kemini dodged, quite skillfully I might add, but tripped over the leg of my desk. In falling she reached for the nearest protruding object with which to steady herself. Unfortunately, that turned out to be the hem of Haruhi's blouse, sending both girls to the ground and leaving Kemini with a scrape on her knee and Haruhi with a bump on the head and a torn shirt, which was currently being repaired somewhere behind the tightly locked infirmary doors. The nurse felt it would be better to keep the two girls in separate rooms until they...cooled off. I was called in as a bystanding witness to the event.

Once her knee was sufficiently chilled, Kemini stood up with a sigh.

"Wow! I've got to hand it to you Kyon, your school is exciting! And your friends are certainly interesting! I never thought I'd get into a knockdown the first week!" she swung her arms about in an arc and smiled brightly.

"I am so sorry about that. Haruhi has been very...changeable lately. She's not herself, I hope you can forgive her."

"Hey, no worries, it's not your fault right? Though, I've gotta say, if that was her good side, I don't think I wanna hang around long enough to see her bad side!"

I humored her with a chuckle, though the memories of my own scant experiences with Haruhi's "Bad side" were enough to send a chill down my spine.

"Don't worry, I've rarely seen her that bad before. Normally she just ignores everybody, except for me and the brigade members of course."

She gave me a sideways look.

"Ok, you gotta fill me in on the deal with this brigade thing she was mentioning. What the heck is a brigade?"

"I guess...you could say it's a club Haruhi and I started last year. Don't look at me like that! It was her idea, she just made me do the paperwork, so technically I'm the one who started it. Anyway, she was basically bored out of her mind, so she dragged me and some other random people she picked up into this pitiful excuse for a club where we basically just wait around for her to think of something crazy for us to do."

I should have expected my description, which was meant to convey a bit of the exhausting lunacy that was my life, would sound like fricking christmas morning to someone as hyperactive and eccentric as Kemini was turning out to be.

"Cool! That sounds fun! I was wondering why you never talk to anyone, all your friends must be in that club right?" she stared at me expectantly with a wide grin.

"Friends? We're not really friends."

"You hang out and have fun together right?"

" Well yeah sort of but..."

"Kyon...You seriously don't consider these people your friends? You've known them for how long?"

"Well... over a year now...but I don't think it's that wierd. I mean it's not as if any of them really chose to join the club, and we all pretty much keep to ourselves. "

"So what about you and that crazy girl, Suzumiya? She seemed pretty territorial if you know what I mean."

"Oh god, don't remind me. I have no clue really. She just orders me around and makes my life hell most of the time. Sometimes it's like we're bonding, sometimes we hate each other and today she all of a sudden said we were friends. I'm pretty sick of trying to figure it out really, she's just...there."

"Do you think she likes you?" she posed the question more to the slick tile floor than to me, her tone unusually soft.

"Not really. She's always telling me how dumb I am"

It was becoming apparent that I was extremely prone to saying whatever the hell poped into my mind when talking to this girl. She chuckled.

"No, I mean I think she _likes _you. Like, likes you likes you. As in love.

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing.

"Who does what now? Ok, sorry but that's way too scary to even think about. And I definitely wouldn't repeat that to anyone if I were you."

"I don't think it's all that wierd. In fact it's pretty much the only explanation for why she would be so upset by you talking to a girl."

"Oh that? That's nothing she does it all the time. Ever since we've known each other. She practically has a fit whenever I try to talk to Asahina. I kind of think she's trying to set her up with Koizumi. Pisses me off"

She was silent for a minute, mulling this over.

"Ok...you seem to think what you're saying is proving me wrong, but all I'm hearing is jealousy, sexual tension, desperate coveting..."

"Can you stop now I'm getting uncomfortable."

"hmm...I think I'm starting to get you Kyon. you don't have a grilfriend do you?"

"No I don't."

"And have you ever had one?"

I didn't quite like where this was going.

"No as a matter of fact I have not, and I don't think there's any shame in that thank you very much."

She nodded decisively.

"Yup. you're one of _those_." she said with a sarcastic drawl in her voice.

"One of whats?"

"One of those guys who don't socialize because they think they're _above_ that sort of thing. You probably shut people out because you're too proud to be a jerk and to cynical to just be nice. You think not thinking about sex or girlfriends or love makes you better than other guys."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you do. It's obvious. I mean you're pretty hot in a stern, quiet sort of way, but you've never had a girlfriend, you don't even consider putting a label on your relationships with the peolpe who probably know you best outside of your family, and you have an unmistakeable holier than thou attitude cleverly disguised by a veil of cyniscism and indifference towards everything."

"...This offends me somewhat."

"Only because you know it's true."

"No I don't! It's not."

"Yeah yeah sure honey, I _totally_ believe you. Say, what time is it?"

"I'm not sure, but I think lunch break must have started by now."

"Holy crapdoodles lunch! Totally forgot I was starving for a second there."

"Do you have a lunch box?"

"No, I was gonna go to the dining hall, I mean if you have one here."

"Sure we do, I'll take you there."

"Don't you have your own lunch though?"

"Yes but that doesn't mean I can't eat it there."

"Coolness! Let's go! Take me to your eatfest!"

* * *

What with having a regular housewife for a mother and a bit of a knack for domestic chores myself, I had never really found buying lunch in the noisy school cafeteria to be more convenient or desireable than a good home packed lunchbox. Despite it's palacial size, the cafeteria was always crowded around lunchtime. The lines for the most popular dishes easily picked out, being twice as long and clearly composed of much more agressive diners, the figurative circles and cliques defined by tables. I wondered halfheartedly whether this was the social scene I was apparently shutting out and why that was such a bad thing. Such a heated, noisy throng of adolescence could only be a breeding ground for rumor and self esteem issues.

It was Kemini who drew my attention to the brighter aspects of the experience.

"Who's that?" she pointed at a small figure standing motionless in front of a drink machine.

I supose it should have occured to me that this was where Nagato went for lunch. No wonder I could never find her in her classroom. Still, at the time I was pleasantly surprised by the opportunity to change the subject.

"Speak of the devil! That's Yuki Nagato. One of the members of Haruhi's insanity squad. The brigade."

"Oh, one of your friends-that-isn't you mean?" she smirked.

_So much for changing the subject._

"Would you stop that? Nagato and I...get along fine."

"So you are friends."

"With Nagato?" startled by the idea, I considered for a moment.

"Well, I would never presume...I mean she's about as antisocial as you can get. Haruhi ignores people, but she still manages to look down on them. Nagato has no opinion on anything practically."

"Really? So what's her opinion on you?"

"I just said, she doesn't have one."

She scoffed at my ignorance "I don't believe that! If she's antisocial she probably doesn't express her opinions out loud, you've got to look for it in the subtleties of her body language."

"Huh?"

"How does she treat you in comparison with other people?"

I thought for a minute about all the times Nagato and I had interacted.

"I don't know." I mused. "She sometimes reacts a little more when we talk. and she does what I ask her to, and sometimes acts like she needs my approval on things."

"Awww, she likes you!"

"Ok, don't you think that's going too far? It's almost rude!"

"I didn't mean it like that this time. She just likes you. Like, oh I don't know, a _friend_ would?"

"Could you cut that out I get the point! I just... I've just never really had to think about it before. I don't really think that we need labels you know? We just...are. It's hard to explain."

_With the kind of bond that we all have, how could I explain? "Oh well, you see, we're all trying to save the world from the magical mind of a super girl with our esp and alien powers!:)"_

_Yeah, that'd go over well._

_Actually, considering who I'm talking to, it probably would go over well!_

"So, are you gonna introduce me or what?"

"Um, sure I guess if you want to. Just don't be offended if she doesn't say anything, it's her way."

"I get it."

"Cool. Hey Nagato!"

* * *

"Hi! It's uh, nice to see you here."

"Oh."

"Yeah, so I just thought I should introduce you to this new, um, friend of mine. She's new here. Her names Kemini."

"..."

"Hi! Nice to meet you! Wow, you're really tiny and cute! Like a doll! Do you get that alot?"

"...Not really."

"Well, you seem really cool and I hope to see you around sometime, ok?"

"...very well."

"Awesomeness!..."

"...So, do you want to get lunch now?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, right. sorry, zoned out there for a sec. She's really strange isn't she?"

"I guess. I've gotten used to it."

"I mean don't get me wrong! I love wierdos. Seriously, they're super fun. I like her!"

* * *

It occurred to me later that introducing Kemini to Nagato was probably something I would have had to do eventually anyway, she _had _said to inform her of any developements and I figured a new student sticking her nose in my life and getting Haruhi worked up enough to exchange blows was a pretty big developement. Still, nothing terribly bad had come of it yet, and neither Nagato, nor Koizumi seemed to sense anything happening in Haruhi's...magical,other plane-y...whateverness.

Apart from the fight, there didn't seem to be all that much going wrong in her normal, human-y reactions either, though I wouldn't really know.

Haruhi stopped talking to me after that day.


End file.
